One thing that I am going to strongly recommend that we do individually and as a group,  given the issues of abandonment, neglect, and abuse that were such common themes in your stories is connecting with the Inner Child who experienced these hurtful things. Inner Child work for some of you may smack of a less rigorous non clinical approach that is vastly inferior to more sophisticated forms of psycho dynamic therapy. Let me explain why I have experienced Inner Child work to be something leading to very profound healing for myself and my clients.

As we know from our training and personal growth work, the wounds of childhood leave the most profound marks on our psychological and spiritual outlook. As children our undeveloped brains are not  protected by the highly developed adult neocortex. So as children we receive strong and long lasting imprints in our limbic emotional brain centers that the adult brain is able to protect itself against except in the case of extreme trauma. As we know, unhealed, these childhood traumas have a profound and largely unconscious influence on how we perceive and react to situations- even as adults. I joke with my clients that it is this conservative nature of the limbic system that keeps all of us therapist in business.

Inner Child work is a beautiful and apt metaphor for where these wounds have come from and what needs to happen for the wounds to be healed. For one thing, as adults, we are often puzzled and embarrassed when we become aware of ourselves acting out of old unhealed places. This often continues to happen even when we intellectually know better. I so often see with my clients an embarrassment and an impatience with themselves as they become aware of their patterns of acting out. Those who are self critical are very likely to become self abusive in subtle ways ( self abandonment ) or not so subtle ( self harm.)  To really get that this unhealed part of us is like an Inner Child allows us to release self judgment and to begin to radically embrace the wounded parts inside of us. 

The way that these old patterns begin to heal profoundly is when, rather than moving away or against  them, we move towards them, accept them, embrace them, and love them. When we think of the wounded places within ourselves as being like Inner Children it is easier to summon up the compassion and willingness to engage and embrace ourselves. How often our hearts open readily to a child we see on the street that needs help.  It is no mistake that  Jesus said “ Ye must become like little children to enter into the kingdom.” This is such profound psychology: we must be willing to let go of all of the protective strategies that we have a developed as adults to keep these wounded vulnerable places at bay. And then we must allow ourselves, our significant others and God to love us where we are hurting.

CONNECTING WITH THE INNER CHILD

Find a picture of yourself from this age when you were hurt.

Possibly make a little shrine to it, placing around the picture any favorite things you as the child owned that you still have kept . Do you still have any stuffed animals, toys, stones, seashells, dried flowers, books,etc. etc.from this period ?

Put other comforting images on this altar. Pictures of places or things, pets, siblings, parents, grandparents you loved as this child. Any Angels or pictures of God, Jesus, Mother Mary ?  No pictures of abusers or neglecters here, please.

Spend time each morning and evening taking in this sacred space, sending love to your Little One inside you, letting her know how precious and lovable she is.

At night perhaps just before you go to bed invite the Inner Child to write and tell you how her day was and what she needs from you. Sometimes, when you first try this the Child remains silent and you feel disconnected. This is very common when the Child has been repeatedly abandoned by her former caretakers - and by you as well. Be very forgiving of yourself and accepting of this process. It may take time. And it is okay if the Little One is angry with others or with you. She may have reason for this so be patient and understanding of her.

Each day think of something that the Inner Child would like- an ice cream cone, a walk, petting an animal, seeing a funny children’s movie. Let your hair down and don’t be embarrassed to meet her needs - she is a kid after all ! Some of us were parentified early in our lives and never had the space to play and just be kids. If that was true for you remember that you can always have a happy second childhood !

When you feel the upset inside connected with the Inner Child, move toward her, comfort her, listen to her in the same way you would listen to you own young child when you were a mother of one, or as you would to a young niece. let you Inner Mother come out to hold and comfort the Little One.  Free form writing, drawing, dancing let the feelings out and be expressed.

Let God, Jesus, Mother Mary love the Inner Child. This child was blameless. This child was innocent. This child needs loving care and compassion. Give it all of the loving that you can muster and ask God for her support and love for your wounded child.

Celebrate with it when the Child is happy. She has suffered enough so it is good that she can let go and have fun. Don’t be an old wet blanket; you’ve been too grown up for too long.